For a 1000 space years!

Sorry for the delay, I have been pretty busy with work during what has otherwise been an uneventful week. After Sunday's Rape Forest Adventures the week became incredibly densely packed with Turkish delights, otherwise known as a shitstorm of reading and grammar homework. The movie we watched on Monday was called "Hayat Var," and is a play on words meaning both "There is life," and "Hayat is here/exists," as the main character is a 13 year old girl named Hayat. This movie, apparently like all other Turkish movies, involves your standard plot: No plot, a rape, sadness, illness in the family, a street boy love interest, prostitutes, a parentless household, and animal abuse. Also boats and a dysfunctional education system, and a baby being threatened. I don't understand why there isn't an audience for this stuff in the States. 

Fortunately, while doing homework, Sydney and I decided to watch the Bourne Trilogy this week. One film a night. We just finished it up. They are so fun. Tonight I decided that at some point in my life I want to take stunt driving classes. Last night we watched "Dünyayı Kurtaran Adam," probably one of the worst movies ever made. It came out in 1982 after the military coup and subsequent military government (led by Evren and later Özal) made getting Western movies exceedingly difficult. It tells the story of a wizard alien who tries to destroy the earth so he can suck the blood out of everyone, but is foiled by earth's protective shell formed by concentrated brain molecules. He needs to get a brain to destroy the earth. And he will stop at nothing. NOTHING. He sends all his henchmen: zombies, mummies, guys in furry costumes...everyone. Too bad for them that Cuneyt is there to kick their asses with karate and the BRAIN SWORD, a sword that looks like an 8th grader's wood shop project spray-painted gold. The version of the movie that we had featured some of the worst English subtitles I've ever seen, on par with the Chinese Episode III copy that has been floating around online recently. I think the whole movie is on Youtube, and it's totally worth checking out. It features a score that essentially consists of the theme from Raiders of the Lost Ark repeated over and over, and outright steals entire sequences from Star Wars IV: A New Hope. They don't even bother using Empire Strikes Back. We think, but aren't sure, that the earth is a Death Star. At one point a wise man tells our hero that in the past (the film is set way in the future) the monotheists banded together after being inspired by the Bektaşi Sufi Muslim order, built underground cities, and fought the aliens under the leadership of, you guessed it, Jesus Christ. You have to watch this movie.

Today walking home from class I heard someone shout my name, looked up, and saw Dave's friend Mert walking toward me. I didn't realize he was in the city! It was awesome. Will definitely have to hang out with him soon. We had conversation hour today in the Urfa Kebab place while it rained cats and dogs outside. In Turkish, I think the saying is that it is raining broken shards of plates, or something. Terrifying. I went to Metrocity Mall, next to Kanyon, to look for a cheap linen shirt to wear in Cappadocia this weekend. Instead I got a long-sleeved t-shirt for $6. Is blue! Is nice! Tomorrow night I take a night bus with 5 of my friends to Cappadocia for the weekend. It has underground cities, cave churches, and all kinds of crazy natural rock formations. It's geographically unique in the world. And I'm going to take pictures and debase myself there for 72 hours. My goal, honestly, is to take a cab out of town into the desert so I can look at the stars and listen to some music on my iPod. This month is the best month, allegedly, for stargazing, or as the Turks call it "Dream Founding." I fucking love Turkish. They call comets "Stars with Tails." It's like that word decided, like the kid in the Tin Drum, that it would never change with the times. Anyway, I am pumped to get out of the city and into the Milky Way. Too bad the bus ride lasts 13 hours each way. Can you say Benadryl? I can. 

I love this city. It is so fucking insane. I realized today, as I was walking back from the mall, that the reason the curbs here are almost a foot high is probably just to keep cars from using the sidewalks as lanes. Drivers here don't give a fuck about anything. They treat their cars' enginges and brakes like shit. But no matter how crazy it is now, I am SURE that it was even crazier 30 years ago. We had to read an article by Orhan Pamuk yesterday describing all the old street vendors who would wander the neighborhoods back when he was growing up. The place sounds like a fucking circus. The knife sharpener guy just sharpens shit on the street, and children would come hang out with him and play in or watch his sparks. The brass cleaner would light fires in the middle of the street to clean the brass. There were people wandering from door to door screaming at the top of their lungs trying to attract customers. Imagine 10 grown men on your street screaming things like "KNIFE SHARPENER!" "MILK! MILK!" "TOMATOES!!!" "THRIFT STORE MAN MAN!!" or, my favorite, "BEAR TAMER!"

Yeah, that's right. The ayıcı, or bearman, is a man who would, until it was RECENTLY banned, walk around with a fucking BEAR on a LEASH in the city and force the bear to do tricks. Yeah, BEARS ON LEASHES. Sparks flying everywhere, sharp knives, fires, old milk, and creepy guys who sell women's dresses do not make a wholesome environment for children. Imagine the street: bears shitting and fighting on the corner while latchkey kids play in the sparks of the knife sharpener and a crazy man shouts "tomatoes" into his truck-mounted microphone. 

My reading teacher told us about how she has called the cops twice on this blind man who walks down her street playing an organ into a loudspeaker. WTF. She is hilarious. Well, I need some sleep before my midterm and trip tomorrow, so I will leave it at that, and will be back Monday to write about the weekend! 

Remember: THE PEACE IS IN THE FUTURE!