First, I need to correct something: the super duper religious neighborhood was not Fener as much as it was Çarşamba. Çarşamba means "Wednesday" in Turkish. I'm not sure why they chose that name. Maybe Wednesday nights they all take off their robes to streak and disco bowling. Okay, well at least that is settled.
Today was a serious business day. Got to class and helped Michael sort out the fax situation regarding his lost bank card. Don't worry, a Turk didn't find it and use it to buy $1000 worth of Facebook gifts for blonde American girls. We had to go to the language lab again today. Last time, if you remember/care/don't want to have to research to understand, we watched the first half of a shitty video about ebru, the art of paper marbling! Today they left us hanging, and said that we would watch the thrilling conclusion later this week. Why, I am not sure. I really hope he doesn't shit at his desk. In its place, we were "treated" with a long segment from a Turkish "sitcom." The show is ostensibly about a married couple that is staying together for the sake of their shitty little rat children. One of them is a Macaulay Caulkin wannabe, and the other is just a bitchy pre-teen. Neither deserved the emotionally distant, verbally abusive parents they have.
As I was saying, the show has a somewhat serious pretense. But guess what? It's fucking dumb as hell. This clip introduced us to feng shui, or the art of removing furniture and replacing it with pillows, and then talking about it for ten minutes to an upset husband. And boy, was dad upset. The kids seemed to have it all figured out. They warned their mom. Hell, even the mom's parents knew to get out of there when he got back. Think about it too long, and it depresses you. This show is designed to be relatable. That means that most Turkish children know better than to do anything as rash as changing the interior design of an apartment without dad's permission, because, as the piece of shit son said, "Daddy's gonna punch you in the mouth when he sees this!" Fortunately, it didn't come to that. He shouted, paced back and forth, and repeated himself for about five minutes. I am pretty sure he threatened to kill his wife a couple of times. The audience was laughing most of the time. Also, you know how back in the day, like when Benny Hill was considered cutting edge, there would be the occasional "boom" of the tympani, like if someone fell down? Well in Turkish sitcoms, they still use it, in this case to convey surprise! It's the sound the kids on TV hear from their bedrooms before daddy slaps mom for talking to her friend about eastern philosophy.
I usually tell people before they watch a Turkish comedy that Turkish comedies are generally not funny, and that the national sense of humor is very different from ours (like comparing "Reba" to "Arrested Development"). I stand by that characterization. Essentialist, yes, but accurate. I bet this sitcom's audience would LOVE the George Lopez Show.
After lunch I headed to conversation hour at the fanciest of the cafeterias on campus, and managed to schwangle some free food from the girls in my group when they couldn't finish their meals. This plan is effective and cheap, and will be repeated. We were working on comparatives, and using animals as references. I argued that the chimpanzee was fiercest among all the animals presented, and then had to explain why. I gave up trying to describe the face and genital mauling horrors of a chimp attack on a human, and instead went with "they eat their own kind, and bang on trees while they hunt." Then someone suggested that mankind is the fiercest animal. Afterwards, we all fell silent as the stray cats meowed in agreement, and the besunspectacled man smoked a cigar calmly two tables over, staring straight ahead at nothing, perhaps pondering the very same question himself in a cloud of thick smoke.
We had to watch a film today called "Üç Maymun," or "Three Monkeys." It featured vehicular manslaughter, painfully long shots of the same apartment, marital infidelity, murder, spousal sexual abuse, suicidal thoughts, a ghost, lots of rain, and the exploitation of the homeless. Oh, and it didn't feature a musical score. My concern is that Turkish movies are too upbeat for it to join the European Union.
Speaking of the European Union, I have started noticing new street signs all over the city, allegedly due to EU regulations. Streets that haven't had signs in probably centuries are finally getting them. Tourists rejoice! I was pleased to find out that the street that I have been calling Murder Hill is actually just called "Bebek Mountain."
(More) Random thoughts (than usual):
I realized today how great it is to live in America because you can wear nice things without them ending up smelling like diesel exhaust and cigarette smoke after walking outside for five minutes. At least in DC.
We were joking today about how awesome it would be if Turkish women were as aggressive as Turkish men in coming on to foreigners. Then we watched that movie, and realized that there are too many crazies here for that to be a good idea. It seems like every guy I know who spent any time here during the normal school year ended up with a female Turkish stalker.
"Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian" is one of the best children's movies I've ever seen. It is a blast and a half. Hilarious. I want to marry Amelia Earheart.
We had sour cherry wine with our pasta dinner tonight in the girls' apartment. We went all out. It was a feast. Delicious stuff: spaghetti with fresh tomato sauce, beans, eggplant, fresh bread, and fresh goat cheese.
I still REALLY want to see Transformers 2. Someone was saying it looked terrible and sexist, and our friend Hannah came back with this gem:
"Even though they have male voices, Autobots are gender neutral. They are robots."
Bring back some cherry wine? Also, it's one of my secret fantasies to live in a Houston suburb and be Reba's neighbor. A
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