Where are Gondor's Armies?

This afternoon we went to the US Consulate in a northern section of the city, far removed from the hustle and bustle (but still full of hustle and bustle). The building was built in 2004, I believe, after the 2003 terrorist bombings of the British Consulate, two synagogues, and the HSBC building downtown, near the American Consulate's location in Beyoğlu. It is worth noting that the Brits decided to stay put, while the American government opted to construct what is, essentially, a fortress on a hill north of town. It has all the charm of a prison, and the warmth of a mausoleum. And it looks a lot like Minas Tirith mated with an Israeli settlement. 

I was surprised to see that most of the staff was actually Turkish, and would have expected to find Marines doing most of the security work. We met with a PR representative and an economic officer from the political section. He had his shit together, and had a pretty well-informed take on the situation. Turkey's unemployment rate, officially, is around 17%, and is likely much higher. Half of the population is under 25 years old, if I'm not mistaken. This is a young country with a rough road ahead, unless the GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISIS eases. But even then, competition for university spots in Turkey remains insanely fierce, and those who don't get in are left wondering what they should do. He seemed to believe that Turkey was using the US military to form business links in Iraq, one of Turkey's greatest trading partners before the war, so that when the troops leave, Turkey will remain as the economic hegemon. Clever girl.

Before their presentation, they asked us all our names and what we studied, and hilariously, "what you know about Turkey." So one of the Ottoman history PhD students told them that his interest was in "prostitution in the late Ottoman period." I almost peed a little bit, I was trying so hard not to laugh. When other reps from State were talking, the grimaces on the Ottomanists' faces were hilarious. Our group was there for the whole thing, but the Yildiz Teknik Üniversitesi group got there late. The reason? Their bus was pulled over by the police because the driver was "talking on his cell phone" and did not pay attention to the fact that they were behind him, escorting some rich people, and wanted to pass. I didn't realize that there was such a thing as a traffic stop here, considering the fact that the "security briefing" they gave us at the consulate listed traffic as the greatest threat to our safety here. Actually the whole thing was hilarious, and I will share the best tidbits with you here.

1) "Drivers are aggressive and frequently ignore basic traffic regulations by driving through red lights and stop signs, or turning left from the far right lane. Pedestrians do not have the right of way, and extreme caution should be exercised when crossing streets."

2) "Avoid speaking with strangers on the street. Conversations can be a prelude to a criminal act."

3) "Do not accept food or drink from the [taxi] driver and practice good security by automatically recording the license or number of any taxi you enter."

Clearly, the Turks are out to get you. I have never heard of a taxi driver offering anyone something to eat or drink. What does the second point say about us? What does it imply for our interpersonal interactions with Turks, generally? That we only talk to them because we suspect they won't immediately pull a knife on us? Nonsense. Talk to strangers, if you are able! They love it when you speak Turkish! Anyway, as we were walking through the consulate toward the exit, there was a group of four Marines practicing their color guard march in the courtyard, and one of them came running over to us and invited us to their weekly Friday night open bar pizza parties. And by "invited us," I mean "invited the American girls." It was hilarious. I mean, I completely understand where the Marines are coming from, and actually am looking forward to partying with them on the Fourth of July, but the manner in which he invited us was so hilariously forward, and understandably so: he had just gotten off a tour in Kuwait. "He just got here from Kuwait," our guide said, "so he's got a sweet stereo." What the hell does that mean?

BTW: I just Obama-nated a fly right out of the air. 

After we left the consulate, our bus drove us straight to campus so we could attend the welcome reception for everyone in the Turkish Language and Culture Program. There was an open bar, but nobody really got drunk. The view was incredible, and I will post pictures soon. I spent a good deal of time chatting with the Turkish waiters and bartenders about what I study, the weather in DC, how it was built on a swamp, and why I like America but hated the consulate building and its location. They all seemed sympathetic to the idea that America could be a nice place, especially when I likened it to Turkey. Then, after I asked for a vodka and Coke, the bartender said I would have to tell him how to make it. 

Me: First, you add vodka...[he pours in a bit of vodka]...yes, exactly. Now add Coke...[he adds the Coke]...Yes. This is everything. Thank you.

Him: You don't use a lemon, or anything? 

Me: Why? This is how we drink in graduate school. Cheaply. 

Him: Interesting.

The waiters were constantly bringing us tasty Turkish finger foods, like sigara böreğiı, köfte, and deep fried cucumber. It was all fantastically delicious, and certainly warranted the horde of cats that descended upon us. I asked one of the waiters "will there be a war between them?" His reply: 

"The war has already begun." 

He gestured toward a "foreign" cat that was being menaced by the locals, and within seconds there was a tussle. One TA here described campus as "Cat Heaven," but I'm pretty sure it's like a cat refugee camp. They are entirely dependent upon the campus for sustenance, and are constantly at risk of being attacked by outside cats if they leave, and are not given any access to health care or education.

I forgot to mention earlier that an attractive woman handed me a free condom today just outside of campus. I thought it was a coupon at first, so I smiled and said "Thank you." Also misleading was the name on it: FIESTA! I was going to make a joke about how I had no use for a condom since I don't have a girlfriend, but caught myself right before doing so when I realized I was about to confuse the words for girlfriend,kız arkadaşı, and sister, kız kardeşi. So the interaction would have gone something like this:

Me: "When would I use this condom? I don't have a sister." 

Woman: "..."

Me: "Oh no."

Fiesta!